Sh*t My Dad Says

Over Labor Day weekend Lovie and I visited a friend who lives in Dallas, TX. We had a great time playing golf and hanging out at his backyard pool. While there he introduced me to a book he was reading. It was called Sh*t My Dad Says. For the record, this is a New York Time Best Seller. It is obvious that he and I were not the only ones reading this book.

The book came about from a series of Twitter posts. The story goes that the author of the book was forced to move back home after graduating from college. He could not find a job in today’s economic environment and came crawling back home to live with his parents. The origins of the book began when he started making Twitter posts about the things his Dad said about the course of everyday events. Each day he would make a post and in no time he developed over 1 million followers. He took his following and signed a book deal. If you read it, there is no doubt that the Dad in the book is quite a character.

Over the last year I have chronicled some of my favorite sayings and even taken the time to write them down. I thought it would be appropriate to save my kids the trouble of daily Twitter posts and publish my list. If you have been around me for any period of time you have probably heard me make a few of these statements. Some I have stolen from famous people, others have come from my friends or my kids, and some are just a collection of my own random thoughts. Hopefully a few of these will strike a chord with you and inspire you to laugh. If they day do, feel free to use them in your lives. I will close with one of my favorites, “Stay Hot”, and enjoy.

My Favorite Sayings in No Particular Order

1. You can lead a horse to water but that does not make him a duck.
2. It takes a smart man to know he is dumb.
3. You can’t accomplish anything on an empty stomach.
4. People eliminate themselves from success.
5. I would rather be good than lucky.
6. Weight control is like a full time job.
7. Every new beginning is some other beginnings end.
8. I may be incompetent but I am not grossly incompetent.
9. You are as happy in life as you want to be.
10. A camp fire is like outdoor TV.
11. It only takes two good shots per hole to be a great golfer.
12. This is going to be the best Christmas ever.
13. I was doing some thinking and drinking and….
14. I have a couple of different watches.
15. You better move out now while you know everything.
16. The harder you work the luckier you get.
17. Don’t be afraid to succeed.
18. Success is about showing up.
19. It is a watch collection not an obsession.
20. My body does not give up weight easily.
21. It is easy to be a social liberal when you don’t have to write the check.
22. Do these jeans make my butt look big?
23. Sleep is overrated.
24. If you look in your car’s rear view mirror you can see backwards.
25. Rub some dirt on it and get back in there.
26. I have not peaked yet.
27. Learn to know the difference between what is urgent and what is important.
28. If anyone wrote a book about your life would anyone read it?
29. Don’t become a role player in someone else’s Soap Opera.
30. There is nothing great about being the tallest dwarf in the circus.
31. I am immature beyond my years.
32. I am amphibious, and not only that I can live in or out of water.
33. That thing went up like a rocket.
34. The best people over deliver and under promise.
35. People will meet the expectations you set for them.
36. A word is like a thousand pictures.
37. People don’t plan to fail they fail to plan.
38. In marriage - Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy.
39. The best rules for life are the ones you learned in kindergarten.
40. We are all just passing through.
41. I told you I was sick.
42. We are all weird in our own special way.
43. I am not happy until you are not happy.
44. Don’t worry that we can buff that out.
45. Men & Women can’t be “just friends”.
46. You have to know the competition better than you know yourself.
47. Do you know that or are you just saying it.
48. Is it hot in here or is it just you?
49. Any landing you can walk away from is a good landing.
50. Beer is God’s way of wanting us to be happy.
51. Get above your comfort level.
52. You don’t want to see this face without makeup.
53. We are not building a Swiss watch here.
54. Never date a guy that smells better or looks better than you do.
55. Become a strategic “doer”.
56. Find time to do it right the first time not time to do it over.
57. This is the happiest day of my life.
58. I want to be thrown clear in the event of an accident.
59. We can fix it – I have an awesome set of tools.
60. If you want get to where you have never been you have to do things you have never done.
61. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
62. Nothing worth having ever comes easy.
63. Bread is the food of the devil.
64. Tell your life story with decisions you make every day.
65. Think “yes” before you think “no”.
66. It is easy to talk yourself out of doing something difficult.
67. Sometimes the best decision is no decision.
68. Can you kill someone with your thumb?
69. Risk comes from not knowing what you are doing.
70. One of us is not as dumb as all of us.
71. I hate to lose more than I like to win.
72. If you are going to make an omelet you have to own a few chickens.
73. Only “date” someone that is way in to you.
74. Are you going to finish that?
75. Never turn down money or a free meal.
76. You only have one chance to make a first impression.
77. You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here.
78. We’ve gotta have that play out of you.
79. If it were 10 degrees hotter it would be perfect.
80. Step up and get your name in the paper.
81. You can get a tattoo if your Grandmother approves.
82. The ultimate sign of maturity is the willingness to sacrifice for the future.
83. It’s hard to keep a good dog off you leg.
84. Things to be proud of often involve high risk.
85. Never buy anything from someone that is out of breath.
86. I am glad I did not peak in high school.
87. Life is an open book – use it.
88. Life's tough...... it's even tougher if you're stupid.
89. My definition of old is someone that is 15 years older than me.
90. Everybody is worth something.
91. Sooner or later I will be right.
92. Not all who wander are lost
93. It could be that I am part of the problem.
94. I think I am lost but am making great time.
95. Bad decisions make for great stories.
96. How many wrong turns will a man make before asking for directions
97. In the long run we are all dead.
98. It is time for me to slip into something comfortable.
99. Stay Hot
100. Good Talk