The Guilty Obsession

I have a guilty obsession. I am not afraid to admit it although it is probably not what you think. Most people have a guilty obsession that centers on food , alcohol, or even cigarettes. My daughter also has a guilty obsession. Like mine, hers centers on people. Her obsession involves the celebrities in People magazine. My obsession also centers on people, but they are the people in and on the flights that connect through our nation’s airports. Sometimes my obsession goes a little farther than just looking or watching. At times I feel compelled to talk to these people. So, I do.

Over the last month I have spent a lot of time obsessing in airports and on airplanes. Below are just a few of my conversations and observations.

March 10th, 2011. I am in the Boston airport waiting for my flight to Atlanta. I see a woman wearing a shirt that asks a very interesting question. In very large print it says, “Ask Me About Roller Derby”. Little did she know I am/was a big fan of roller derby. Especially women’s roller derby. When I was a kid I used to watch roller derby every Saturday afternoon on WTCG Channel 17 in Atlanta. There I was, in the Boston airport, standing next to a real live person who had to know something about roller derby. I had no choice, I had to ask. This girl actually owned a roller derby league in Portland, OR. She was a roller derby star, she didn’t like the way the team was being run, and decided to start her own league. You could say she was in a league of her own. Her league is called “ Rose City Roller Derby”. Check it out at www.rosecityrollers.com. I asked her all the stupid questions, like was it fake, did it hurt when you fell, and who made up the inane scoring system. Once I recovered from the elbow to the ribs I realized that she had a strategic plan for her sport. She was in Boston on business and was seeking to partner with WWE on a few events. Roller Derby and professional wrestling? I think we could have a winner. You heard it here first.

March 14th, 2011. I am on a flight to Indianapolis in first class and am seated next to a guy that I believe has to be a celebrity. I convince myself that it is Eminem. He is plump, almost round, totally green, and has a big “M” on his chest. I wonder if he has the other “M” on his back? I wish that he would lean forward. Seriously, I think the guy is Eminem. He is wearing a hooded sweatshirt with the hood pulled over his head. He has on large RayBan mirrored sunglasses and was listening to Rap music on his Doctor Dre Monster Beat Headphones. I stare without being obvious. For an hour and a half I am humming that song, Lose Yourself, from the movie Eight Mile in preparation. We finally land and Eminem emerges from beneath the hood. He was old and gray headed and looked he had just been released from a mental institution. He was an impersonator. My brush with a real live rapper had ended. My day was now ruined.

March 17th, 2011. I am on a flight from Atlanta to San Antonio. I am seated next to a large woman. She is very large. We are in the exit row with the extra space between the seats and she barely fits. She has to be like 6’4” and must weigh nearly 300 pounds. Knowing that we are about to become close I feel like we need to talk. So we do. She is from the Detroit area. She is perhaps one of the nicest women I have ever met. We have a nice chat about life and the world around us. She is older and has kids that are about my age. She is on her way to visit her younger brother for his 60th birthday party. Both of her brothers were renowned surgeons in the San Antonio area. She also told me about her son the attorney. He lives in New York and was trapped in the subway for 11 hours following 9/11. He represents people in the entertainment industry. I asked her if he worked for anyone famous. In fact he did. His most famous client was none other than Eminem. He was the personal attorney for Eminem. Just in case it might be worth something someday I asked for her autograph. Afterall, she was the mother of the attorney for Eminem. My brush with a real live rapper was alive, again.

Some of my other observations.

A girl on the airplane with the tattoo of a dragon on her stomach.
A guy on a cell phone negotiating a $ 17 million deal to sell property to Walmart.
A Chinese college student studying about modern medical techniques.
A Hispanic looking girl with a harsh New England accent.
Italian and Chinese food on the same airport restaurant menu.
A couple with a box of live Maine lobsters returning to Florida.
Two little girls under the age of six traveling alone on an airplane.
People tasting Diet Vanilla Coke for the first time at an airport sample stand.
People desperately trying anything to get on a flight that is oversold by 10 people.
A couple planning their wedding at an airport gate.
People stuffing bags in overhead bins with no chance of ever closing the bins.
A little old man wearing a clip on bow tie.

I will continue to watch and report.