I Read Cosmo

I read Cosmo. You got it right sister, Cosmopolitan the magazine. It is finally out and I am relieved. Before you judge me let me explain. I also read Vogue, Glamour, Esquire, Shape, Redbook and a few others. I read them at the grocery store checkout, the hair cut place, the doctor’s office, and even when waiting to have my car repaired. I take the sex surveys and the surveys to determine how good of a friend I am. I think about my answers with thought and feeling. I even subscribe to a few of them. If I have the time I usually read them from cover to cover.

Before you read further let’s establish one thing. I am not gay. I am not looking to get in touch with my feminine side. I am not looking for a sex change. I am not a homosexual, or a bisexual, or even a metrosexual. I am not in the closet or out of the closet. I am regular heterosexual guy and am about to answer your burning question.

Before I answer the question I will review a few facts about the history of the relationship between men and women. Since the beginning of time there has been strife between the sexes (see Genesis Chapter 2 – Adam and Eve). The world has never been the same since that very day. Civilizations have been ruined, wars have been fought, men have been tortured, mutilated, and even murdered, all for the sake of women. For the record, I love women. You can say that I am a philogynist. I will save you the look up. It means - a lover or friend of women; one who esteems woman as the higher type of humanity. And not only that I think women are great.

As part of my extensive sales training I have learned one thing. It is a simple learning, “Know the competition better than you know yourself or your Company”. That is why I read women’s magazines. I want to know the competition. These magazines are sort of like a reference guide about women. For me, I want to know how they think, what they wear, what they buy, and what motivates them. I want to be able to break it down and get to their core decision making process. In my opinion, that is the only way men will ever understand women. We have to get inside their head because we all know they can easily get inside the heads of men. Otherwise, history will repeat itself and I don’t want to be maimed or murdered for the sake of some woman.

Regardless of what you think relationships between men and women are in fact a competition. Everyday relationships are a competition. Psychologists are famous for saying, “in a relationship pick your battles”. They went to school for a bunch of years to let the average person know that they were entering a competition. They would not say it if they weren’t trying to prepare you battle. If more people read the magazines of the opposite sex the battles could simply be a few skirmishes along the way.

In an effort further the understanding of women with the masses, I will share some of my research. Last month Esquire magazine published a list of the 1,000 things that women wished that men knew about them. Guys, this your chance to gain some competitive intelligence. Women, before you react please remember that women wrote these. I am not making this stuff up. I have listed a few of my favorites.


No. 673: Even we know this: The craziest girls are the ones who seem the most normal at first.
No. 304: Yes, we moisturize and walk around the house naked with rubber gloves on when you're not around.
No. 756: We don't like guys who agree with us all the time.
No. 817: When we slam the door, it means come in.
No. 63: The most chivalrous thing a man can do is let you have the last piece of bacon.
No. 700: As long as there’s no second meal in your beard, we don’t care how long it is.
No. 855: Making us laugh is the sexiest thing you can do.
No. 617: When we're out together, and we see a tall, leggy model, remember: tall, leggy models are not your type.
No. 453: Don't ever let us win.
No. 443: When buying clothing for us, unless you know the up-to-date exact size, go one size smaller.
No. 633: You should be able to read our minds at all times.

I clearly have a lot to learn. The process continues.

You can read more at: http://www.esquire.com/women/women-issue/funny-facts-about-women-0510#ixzz0wEXRaJgD