The Ear Infection

Don’t get an ear infection. If you do you could end up hearing colors. Stay with me.

Lovie and I were in Aruba, I went swimming, and during the last day of our trip my ear starting hurting. After returning home I visited the local “minute clinic” thinking that they could easily solve the problem. They prescribed a cocktail of drops for the ear. Some were to be taken two times a day others three times a day. I followed the regimen for a week. It did not work. So much for my confidence in physician assistants.

Ear infections are painful and mine was no different. So after a week of dealing with it I broke down and went to the real doctor. They poked around and determined that a pressure wash of the inner ear was needed. Little did I know that their version of an “irrigation” involved the spray nozzle from a fire hose. The process got a little messy but In the end the procedure provided instant relief of the pressure and pain. To be sure and get the infection the doctor also prescribed an oral antibiotic. That means take a pill.

I left the doctor’s office and rushed to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription. Rather than wait I to have it filled I opted to have Lovie pick it up later in the day. A few hours later Lovie picked up the prescription and left the bottle on the kitchen counter. Later that evening, right before bedtime, I opened the bottle and swallowed my first dose. I went upstairs and was ready for a good night of pain free sleep. So far, so good.

After about thirty minutes of trying to go to sleep I realized I was not sleepy. In fact I was not sleepy at all. I was wide awake. I was so awake it felt like morning. It was midnight. I tossed and turned for a few minutes. A few minutes turned in to 30 minutes, which turned in to an hour. It was now 1:00 am. I was wide awake.

I thought about reading a book. I thought about counting backwards to clear my mind. I thought about a lot of things. My mind was now racing. Time was flying and so was I. It was 2:00 am. I was wide awake. I tried counting backwards from 100 to 0. I did that about 10 times. I tried the same but counted by 2’s, by 3’s, and by 4’s. I started at 500 hundred instead of 100. My backward counts were flawless. I could see the numbers coming in perfect sequential order like reading the road signs in a speeding car. But I was laying in bed. It was 3:00am and my mind was changing channels like a teenager changes radio stations. I was starting to sweat. My heart was pounding.

I decided to change beds. I moved to the guest bed room thinking a change might provide the catalyst for my entry into dreamland. It was now 4:00 am. My mind was racing but my body was in the lead. I had always heard that phrase in the lyrics of the song,” Double Vision by Foreigner”, but did not know what they meant. I pondered that for a while. I still don’t know what that means. The channel in my changed. I started to hear colors. Colors have some interesting sounds, especially chartreuse. I know I was there. I was frustrated and a little scared. I needed some sleep. It was now 4:30 am. I was wide awake.

I usually don’t have too much trouble going to sleep and knew something was wrong. I had never felt like this. It only took me 6 hours to realize this. What was wrong I thought, what had changed? It was 4:45 am. I was wide awake. I had a moment. Was it was the antibiotic I had taken before bed? I rushed downstairs, examined the prescription bottle, and read the label. It said Aderall XR. Aderall XR, it was supposed to say Amoxicillin I thought? Did pharmacist mess up? I checked the name.

They had the last name right. The first name was Michael. Michael is my son. He takes Aderall XR for his ADD to help him focus during his college classes. And now his Dad also takes it to treat ear infections. You got it, I took one 6 hours earlier. In the bag next to it on the counter was a prescription for Amoxicillin. Amoxicillin is prescribed to people named Alan Squires with ear infections. I am a confirmed idiot.

For people that have ADD it works to help focus the mind. For people who don’t it freaks them out. It was now 5:00 am. I had been freaked out for 6 hours. Once I figured things out it did provide me with a sense of relief. I laid down and tried to sleep. I actually slept for about an hour and a half. At 6:30 am I awoke. I was wide awake. I was tired of being in bed. I went to the internet to do some drug research. You see Aderall XR is the extended release version. It lasts for 24 hours. I had 18 hours to go. I played golf that day but don’t remember anything about the first 3 holes I played. One thing I do know is that I was wide awake.

The effects started to wear off later in the day and by early evening I was back to normal. It was an 18 hour trip. I have learned two things. Ear infections can help you count backwards and also make you hear colors. I know I was there.