Delta We Have A Problem

Welcome to my blog. For those of you that don't know me well you will soon learn that my job as the Director of Sales for a large Company requires me to travel. Killing time on airplanes is something I have learned to do. The need to kill time actually got me started writing a journal. That journal has now morphed in to my blog. A good part of my writings involve my experiences while traveling. I figured this one was a good place to start. I hope it provides you with inspiration. Simply the inspiration to laugh.


Below is my blog from my Delta Flight 1620 on June 17th, 2010 from Minneapolis to Atlanta.
The title of this blog is “Delta We Have a Problem”.

Before we begin let’s establish one thing. I do not lie. My experiences are 100% true and are real life events. That is, real life events that have occurred in my life.

Let’s begin. I have flown a lot of airplane flights in my life. Without going to the trouble of trying to look it up, I can easily say that I have flown at least 1,000 times. That is 1,000 take-off and 1,000 landings. Just in case you were not thinking, you never really want that to be an odd number.

That number is probably on the low side, but you get the picture. My Delta Skymiles account number shows that I have flown 536,408 miles. That is actual air miles on Delta. That is roughly the equivalent of flying around the world 21 times. I have flown and logged miles on many other airlines including: Northwest, Continental, American, United, USAir, Southwest, Air Canada. Airtran, PanAm, AirFrance, KLM, and AeroMexico, that are not included in this number. I have flown a lot.

I have seen and experienced many things during my many hours of air travel. In no particular order, I have listed the most memorable of those below.

1. My plane has lost an engine at 23,000 feet. We landed safely. See odd number above.
2. I have been on 2 flights that were described as the pilots “last flight”. That announcement got my attention. The pilots were retiring following the flight.
3. I have held the hand of a woman during an anxiety attack. Anxiously, we both survived.
4. I have landed and taken off in blizzards, zero visibility fog, and even thunderstorms.
5. I have flown a commercial flight that did not land on a runway. We landed on the ocean. It was planned.
6. I have even joined the mile high club. Not that particular club. The one that required me to use toilet paper at 35,000 feet. Only once and never again.
7. I have seen people get sick. I have seen people get sick and not make it to either the little bag or the bath room.
8. I have sat next to fat people where the “seat belt extender” did not work.
9. I have sat next to fat people that could not get in the seat.
10. I have sat next to talkers, stalkers, starers, and glarers. What are you looking at anyway?
11. I have sat next to people that smell and people that smell worse than people that smell.
12. Babies have thrown up on me and flight attendants have dumped drinks on me.
13. I have flown in first class and in the very last seat next to the toilet.
14. I have flown a lot.

This past week I encountered a new experience. I was on a flight from Minneapolis to Atlanta. I was in Minneapolis to attend some high tension meetings at my Company’s Corporate Office. The meetings went well and after 3 days I was headed home. The flight was a late afternoon flight and I was ready to get home. The flight began as a normal. Okay, that is a lie. It was not normal because we left the gate on time, as scheduled at 4:00pm. Other than that the flight began as normal.

Although I am a preferred frequent flier, a “Gold Medallion” to be exact, I was stuck in a window seat in the steerage portion of the plane. To be exact seat 27E. Not really where I wanted to be. We climbed out of Minneapolis headed for Atlanta. Seat 27E on this particular plane, an MD-88, is located just over the back edge of the wing. The seat and window provided me with an excellent view of all aspects of the wing including the flaps, the wing tip, the little light at the end, and the part of the wing where they access the gas tank. To bring you up to speed, the gas tanks on most commercial airplanes are embedded in the wings. I was absent that day in aeronautical engineering class when we studied why that is , but I know this to be true.

As we reached our cruising altitude of 35,000, you know I have flown a lot by even using that phrase, I began to wonder. As I surveyed the wing in what was really a blank stare, I thought for a moment. I even thought about wondering out loud. But I decided against it. Was it possible that I was seeing rain water pouring off the wing? I thought to myself, does it rain at 35,000 feet? For the record it does not, it is too high to rain at that altitude. Besides there were no clouds in the sky. Where is that liquid coming I thought? My thoughts were getting louder. WHERE IS THAT LIQUID COMING FROM THAT IS POURING OFF THE WING? After some thoughtful analysis of the wing assembly I determined that it was coming out of the top of the wing. The access port to the gas tank was leaking.

The gas tank was leaking, Holy *&%$. I know that the gas used on an air plane is called jet fuel. Jet fuel is the stuff that makes jets fly. Logic took over. I was in a jet, we were flying, and leaking jet fuel. DELTA WE HAVE A PROBLEM! My mind was racing. Below is the exact order of my thought process.

1. I thought about my wife.
2. I thought about my kids.
3. I thought about my parents and siblings.
4. I thought about my girlfriend, the one from second grade, Jenny Hayes.
5. I said a prayer.
6. I thought about inciting panic by yelling, “ We are leaking jet fuel and are all going to die”!

Calmly, I rang my flight attendant call button. The flight attendant actually responded to seat 27E. I. I quickly ordered a beer. We were at 35,000 feet. She had time to fetch me a beer I concluded. She returned. I opened it and guzzled the can before it even left her hand. I explained the situation in a quiet voice. She acknowledged the problem. A few rows back she noticed an off duty pilot in uniform. He was summoned to 27E. There was a lot of low talking and technical jargon spoken about the situation. The guy next to me and the people in the rows in front of and behind me were now involved. I felt important and a little buzzed. I felt compelled to order another beer. The flight attendant ignored me. Our in flight safety was now her biggest concern.

All of the low talking and pointing out the window did create some anxiety. People were asking about what was happening in 27E. “The off duty pilot concluded that things were fine. “Happens all the time”, he said. “The combination of temperature, altitude, and pressure was causing the leak”. “ Things were fine”, he said. People who fly are not stupid and neither am I. Temperature, altitude, and pressure were not causing the leak. Someone forgetting to tighten the cover on the access port was causing the leak. Again, I attempted to get another beer by repeatedly ringing the flight attendant call button. We were now over Nashville with 250 miles to go. I needed a beer. Never let a good crisis go to waste, I thought.

Surprisingly, things remained calm the rest of the way. The leak actually stopped somewhere over Chattanooga. Did that mean we were out of fuel, I wondered? We were not. We landed safely. The real pilots greeted us leaving the plane. They said, good day, so long, thanks for flying, and all of those other stupid phrases they use.

No one mentioned the leaking jet fuel. I plan on sending this to Delta. I hope they read It and forward it on to that flight attendant. I am still waiting on that beer I ordered.